There is a point in your life when embarrassment just packs its bags and leaves. I used to think that happened when you turned into someone who wore orthopedic sandals and yelled about recycling bins. Turns out it hits earlier. And harder. I had a moment recently that made me realize I am done auditioning for the world, and something in me clicked like, oh, this is who I am now… Interesting.
Here is the scene.
I was minding my business in a coffee shop, working on my own website and ignoring the fact that I had kid pickup in twenty minutes. A woman glanced at my screen and asked if I was a designer. I said yes in that shy, please do not inspect my work too closely way. She pulled up a chair like she had been waiting for her cue. She worked at a marketing agency and said they needed design support. She asked if I could gather my portfolio and come in that week to meet the team.
I said yes. My brain said no. My schedule said absolutely not.
I have always felt unsure if I was made for “have to wear real pants” work environments. My natural habitat is a studio, a living room, or a coffee shop where the barista calls me babe, not a conference room full of glass walls and conversations around synergy. But I went anyway.
That morning, I built a portfolio in forty five minutes. This is not my ideal workflow. I like to refine things to death, put it down for a day, pick it up to play with it some more. That day I was flying at the speed of chaos. I walked into the agency with a first draft that had been finished three minutes earlier.
Once I shared my very fresh presentation, things took a turn in the best possible way. I sat with the owner and several team members while they pulled up active client brands and asked for my thoughts. Not the careful ones. Not the polite ones. My actual design opinions.
Past me would have panicked and shapeshifted into whatever they seemed to want, tossing out safe ideas that made me sound agreeable (using fancy design lingo I had only learned that morning, naturally). This time, something felt different. I listened, waited for ideas to hit me, then said them out loud without worrying if they were perfect. I did not care if an idea came out strange or incomplete. I did not care if it was the bad version of a better version.
I had been reminded of when I worked at Tonic Site Shop years ago, co-founder Jen Olmstead routinely encouraged the “bad idea of the day” during team meetings. The practice of sharing any creative idea, even if it was ridiculous, because that spark could lead to something realllllly juicy. As I sat in that conference room, I was fully at peace knowing I wasn’t there to be perfect. I was there to be me.
And here is the unexpected plot twist. They matched that energy. They were thoughtful, collaborative, and genuinely curious. I did not pretend to be formally trained. I am not. But I care about quality, I care about people, and I care about building brands that actually make sense. And the wild part is that I had fun. Real fun. The kind that feels suspicious in a room filled with ergonomic chairs.
Later that day, I followed up with even more ideas. I sent a ten page brand pitch like a feral raccoon with a Canva account (weeks later, I’m only a little embarrassed that I cannot be chill.).
Weeks have passed and I can’t stop thinking about it.
The reason this experience felt so different had nothing to do with being chosen. It had everything to do with me choosing to show up as myself. Not a flattened version. Not the curated, safe version. Just me. And to their credit, they welcomed that.
Most of us (especially women) were raised to perform. We learned to read the room, adjust our tone, and tailor our ideas so they sounded safe. We were taught to impress, not to be honest. So people walk into opportunities trying to guess what everyone wants from them. They shrink or stretch. They soften their edges. They hide the most interesting parts of themselves.
Then they wonder why their work feels watered down.
It kills creativity. It kills confidence. It kills results.
Your best ideas do not come from performing. They come from honesty. When you stop contorting yourself to fit what you think people want, you think faster. You speak more clearly. You attract people who actually appreciate what you bring to the table instead of people who like your performance. You make cleaner decisions because you are not running everything through ten layers of self doubt. Clients trust you because they can see you.
Here is the truth. You are not for everyone. You are not supposed to be. The moment you stop fighting that, your entire work life shifts. You stop chasing approval and start choosing environments that support you. You build a business that feels good instead of a business that only looks good.
If you are building a brand, a business, or a new chapter, carry this with you. Do not wait to be chosen. Show up as yourself. Say what you think. Let people have their opinions. Let them like you or not like you. Your job is to be honest. Their job is to decide if that works for them.
The right people will not need you to pretend. The right clients will feel easy. The right opportunities will feel calm. And you will grow much faster because you are not holding everything together with fear and guesswork.
That is the real moral. Freedom is not a brand strategy. It is a life strategy. And once you taste it, you do not go back.
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